Sometimes I pretend I'm a comedian

How this alter ego keeps me grounded during the most chaotic parenting moments

I’m often envious of professional comedians. I don’t wish to be funnier than I am or to be able to do stand-up comedy and make a room laugh. But, I think about all the chaotic moments in my life and the times that don’t go according to plan. My household of 7 high spirited children ages 10,8,6,4,3,2, and 10 months has a week’s worth of craziness in a single day. I sometimes think how it’s such a shame I’m not a professional comedic storyteller because if I were then these moments of stress would be great content for my bits. Instead they’re just lost. (If any comedians want to shadow our family for a week, you’re welcome to!).

But, the real power of the comedian is not in making other people laugh, but in changing the way he sees and experiences the world around him. To a hammer, everything looks like a nail; to a comedian, the worst days make the best stories. When you’re walking through life looking for the funny, lighthearted parts of your story - that’s what you see and start to see everywhere. I recently heard a stand-up bit where the comedian was discussing the moment they found out his wife had a brain tumor the size of a grapefruit. It’s hard to imagine, but it was a hilarious segment. I’m sure turning that experience into a bit wasn’t just cathartic for him, but also represented a unique skill he has to see the comedic lining in even the most trying situations.

When things don’t go according to plan for me - when my flight is delayed, my coffee spilled, my kids are crazy during bedtime, my child gets stuck in a seatbelt and we need to call the police to extract him (this actually happened!) - I try to imagine that I am a comedian, and that this is all comedic material. A comedy of errors that will make my next bit a fan favorite. Then the crazier the situation gets, the more layers I have to my story, and the funnier it gets. I never need to write it down or even tell anyone the story (although, that’s helpful and fun in its own right), just having that reframe and embodying the persona of a comedian helps me navigate an otherwise stressful situation.

Applying this to labor, birth and parenting works wonders. There is always a story to tell. The more insane and unexpected your day is, the better the material is for your next stand-up gig. Hopefully, all will go smoothly and be uneventful, but if you're faced with some curveballs and plot twists, I’ve found imagining that you are a professional comedian to help.

If you have a hard time convincing yourself that you are a comedian foraging for material, It can also helps to already imagine yourself retelling the story to a particular friend who would find it hilarious. Imagining yourself on the other end already sharing the story, can transform your experience of the story in the moment itself.

I recently had a situation with one of my children that could have been beyond frightening, but it was so ludicrous and I knew my brother of all people would find it hilarious.

N was playing in a huge leaf pile at a local park and suddenly went missing in the pile. Like completely gone, sunk in, we couldn’t see a single trace of him. What kid goes missing in a leaf pile? It was hilarious. But, also, my kid is missing in a leaf pile and probably can’t breathe and this is an emergency and we need to get help immediately! It was terrifying.

In the moment, it didn’t help for me to be anxious or scared, so I chose to imagine myself already sending my brother, Mickey a voice note of the story, even though we were still in the middle of it, I could see him in my mind keeled over laughing hysterically. It helped me continue to be present and calm as the story in real life was unfolding. After embarrassingly shouting his name and poking and prodding around the leaf pile, and getting other people to help us frantically dig through the pile, my son was located further down the park on his scooter. Apparently, he had thought we were already walking home and wanted to be in the front.

As Z - although in tears during the event - who won’t miss an opportunity to pester his brother, said when we found N, “we thought you were dead, but now you're just in huge trouble.”

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